Gordon Freeman Addresses the Troops During the Battle of City 17.

Hi everyone, thanks for coming out.

Yeah, yeah, "Let's follow Freeman!" It's great that you're keen. It's just... well... your little band of proud rebels make up roughly the 7th group of people I've been in command of so far.

Yeah. Do the math.

So far, I've lost 29 people. I really don't want to lose any more. I'm not sleeping so well and I can't seem to get my hands clean.

What's that, Dwayne? Well, that's great that you're waiting for me to tell you what to do. Um, how about you go and get some more ammo while I'm finishing the briefing, ok?

Hey, Stacey, why does Dwayne have those funny marks on his head. Really? Bit him and then went green and dropped off again? I didn't know that they... oh, ok. Hi, Dwayne.

So, 29 of your brave comrades have followed me into battle and, well, I have to be honest, it hasn't gone so well for them. But I think I've worked out what went wrong. Here are some simple guidelines that, I hope, will make you the roughest, toughest bunch of long-lived bravos a guy could ask for.

Rule 1: When Gordon says "Go over there", you go over there and you stay there until I call you up. If I'm playing with hoppers, it relies upon me darting forward, triggering it and jumping back again. If you have wandered up beside me, to say "Let's follow Freeman", the hopper will fall on you, or you will stop me from darting back. And you will die. So, please, stay where I ask you to stay.

Rule 2: I have this funky armour that means I can be shot at and, for a while at least, it won't bother me. You have shirts. Old shirts. So use the... what, Dwayne? NO! *bang*

Thanks, Dwayne. For the record, it's high impact reactive armour but the energy has to go somewhere. Into Stacey, as it happens. Joe, can you patch... you're on it? Thanks. Dwayne, can I borrow your gun? I'm going to take all of your ammo so I can give you some really good stuff. There you go. I don't suppose you have any armour rechargers around? You used them? Oh, some wicked weed. Great. Moving on.

So, Rule 2, stay OUT of the line of fire. There are many good ways to do this. Hiding behind walls, boxes or in culverts is good. Standing in the middle of the street shooting at things that are KNOWN to be bulletproof, like striders, is a bad way. Medics, this applies double to you. If the person you are trying to help is a red pool of quivering jelly that is still being struck by a long line of hot lead, it's too late to help them, 'k?

And, while I think of it, if some of you could fire at the enemy while others move, this is what we call suppressing fire and is also good. Just don't try to suppress each other as you move. Or open fire on gun emplacements while standing in the open. This is depressing fire and is not the right thing at all.

Rule 3, "Let's follow Freeman" is a great slogan but it should finish with "unless it's into confined spaces with no other form of exit and he can't get out again." This applies triple when I'm going to the toilet.

Finally, there's Rule 4. I made it all the way up a giant highway full of opponents by being sneaky. You know, park the car a few hundred metres back, sneak up, snipe, drop back, shift around, do it again. I'm going to want to be as sneaky as possible and it would really, really help if you didn't all keep yelling encouraging slogans. This is not a Glee audition. Rule 4: Be sneaky.

So, we're in a tunnel, about to break out into the street and there are striders around. Pete, can you give us a demonstration of the right way to duck out and check for enemy presence?

Ok, that's good, now come back.

Now come back.

Pete, can you get your ass b...

No, Joe, don't. He's beyond your ...

Can you all stay he...

So, Dwayne. Here's your ammo back. I'm just going for a lie down. How about you hold the perimeter while I'm... No! Stop! Right. Now sit down.

Just sit there, Dwayne. I'm going out.

I may be some time.